Telling a man that he seems like he’s struggling, might be met with resistance or denial. But one of the first steps to getting help is knowing there’s something you need help with. He might not even recognize he has a problem or share the concerns of others.
So here's what you can do:
You might say:
You might say:
Here are some signs to look for:
Try to remain compassionate and motivated to support him with what he’s going through. Use empathy, even if you don’t agree or feel frustrated that he won’t act on your concern. You can’t force someone. Sometimes the timing is just not right.
Don’t give up on him though. In the meantime:
There's this idea that men need to solve their own problems, by themselves. Well, that idea needs to be left in the past. Because being a man means using available resources to work towards self-improvement, and leaning into what’s hard to get to where you want to be.
This is true across any profession. Professional athletes, entertainers and CEOs all have coaches, agents and consultants to help them make better decisions. The same should apply to every regular guy. So try framing professional help seeking as a strength to lower resistance to therapy.
If he seems even slightly open to considering professional help, keep up the gentle encouragement and plan for a future check-in.
Check in with him and ask questions like, ‘How’d you go with making that appointment for the doctor or therapist?’
Offer to help him search for a therapist online.
Ask ‘How’s the search going? Did you manage to get an appointment yet?’
There’s a real balance though with how much to push.
It’s best if he’s the one to make the appointment so that he is engaged in the process. But if he asks you to make the appointment for him, do that.
Take action. Speak to them openly about your concerns. Help connect them with professionals (like a therapist, doctor, suicide call back service or helpline). If there’s immediate risk, call emergency services or a local mental health triage service.
Wondering where he should start in even finding a therapist? Or want to learn about wait times or costs? Find out a bit more about therapy and how it all works by clicking the button below.
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