Dive in and explore how you might talk to a man who is withdrawn and obsessing.

Support a man who is withdrawn and obsessing

He’s withdrawn and obsessing

It’s almost midday. Time to get out of bed and get on the beers!

Avoid being judgemental. Try to open up the conversation.

Demonstrating that you care by asking how they are can help create an open conversation.

Hey man. That doesn’t sound like you. Is everything ok?

Just hardly any reason to get out of bed these days.

<div>Asking observational questions demonstrates that you’re paying attention.<ul><li>I’ve noticed you’ve seemed pretty down lately. What’s going on?</li><li>Seems like you're not getting out much. Are you OK?</li></ul></div>

You don't seem like yourself. What’s going on?

Avoid jumping to solutions. Ask questions to open up the conversation.

I hear you. But maybe you should try and find a routine.

Joking around is often an easy way to dodge asking questions.

I keep watching the news. The world’s so messed up.

Maybe avoid fueling your friend's dramatic thoughts while they're struggling.

You got that right. It’s a dumpster fire.

Try not to quickly dismiss the conversation. Ask questions to help them open up.

Just switch off the news. Don’t worry about it.

Asking open questions is a great approach.

There’s a lot going on that’s for sure. What are your days looking like?

Sleep, drink, doomscroll, repeat. Man, I've been thinking about things a lot.

My studies don't seem to make a lot of sense anymore. Who knows what's coming next!?

Try not to jump to solutions. Stick with offering support.

Don’t be dismissive. Your friend needs support.

Dude. Take a break from the questions. You’re so wound up in it.

Encouraging action to reach out to a broader support network is a great first step.

Seems like it's really getting to you. Have you talked to anyone else about all this?

Professional support is a great idea. But don’t prescribe treatment.

Encourage friends to take action and reach out for professional support when they need it.

Yeah. Like a therapist. I think everyone needs support right now.

<div>Listen with an open mind while encouraging action.</div>

No pressure. I find my therapist really helpful but there's plenty of other people you could talk to.

Don't be pushy. This may require a delicate touch.

C'mon. Therapists are great. It'd totally work for you.

Don't let him get away with avoiding action so easily.

That's good to hear. Now go forth and be merry.

Maintaining your privacy is perfectly reasonable. But revealing your own struggles may help your friend open up.

Yeah, I am. There's just some private stuff I like to get off my chest.

Revealing your own struggles may help your friend open up and encourage them to take action themselves.

I’ve definitely had my own struggles recently. They've been really helpful.

Your friend may need this kind of push. But they also might appreciate some practical guidance.

Nah man. They're really helpful. Just book it! Now’s the time.

Encouraging action and offering practical guidance in finding professional help can make a big difference.

Nah, they're really great. I think you’d like them. I could give you the number if you'd like?

Don’t mother him. Be kind and set up a check-in.

You’re not the oracle of knowledge. Be kind, patient and set up a check-in.

Check in and offer ongoing support so he can be reassured that he’s not alone and can rely on your support and encouragement.

Let’s have a video call tomorrow. It'd be great to see you.

<ul><li>Ask observational questions.</li><li>Listen without judgement or solutions.</li><li>Encourage action such as seeking professional help.</li><li>Check in based on genuine care.</li></ul>

Watch out for friends that may be misusing drugs or alcohol. Watch for men who may be withdrawing from social contact or displaying escalating, obsessive, angry or irritable behaviour. Listen and connect from a place of friendship and care.

Jump in and find out how to talk to a man who is juggling work and family. 

Support a man who is juggling work and family

He's Juggling Work & Family

You hear this from a friend who’s struggling juggling work & family:

I’m so busy with work. But I need to get them away from screens for a while.

Try not to judge or impose your own values. Help your friend open up.

Good plan. Your family is more important than work.

Asking open questions and sharing your own struggles is a great way to open up conversation.

Yeah. My youngest is glued to my phone way too often. How are you going juggling everything?

Try not to impose your own ideas. Help your friend open up.

Just concentrate on your work. The kids can take care of themselves.

Actually, now is not a great time. I need to get back to it.

Don't walk away so easily. Tune in to what your friend is saying and make another plan.

Don’t let me distract you. I’ll leave you to it.

Try to avoid vague promises of future connection.

Making sure you set an appropriate, specific time to check in is a great place to start.

All good. Let’s catch up tomorrow. What time is good?

It’s nice to take a break from everything.

I haven’t got a lot of time, though. Really worried about the kids.

Try not to be dismissive of your friends’ feelings. Aim to open up the conversation rather than shutting it down.

You worry too much. I’m sure they’re ok.

Ask open question questions to help your friend open up and share what’s bothering them.

Don’t be dismissive. Pay attention and mirror what they’re saying back to them.

Kids are tough. They’ll survive. Let’s talk about you.

They’re just spending a lot of time inside and it’s all screen time.

I feel like I should be spending more time with them.

Demonstrating that you're listening and asking questions will help develop the conversation.

So you think they need less screen time more dad time?

This is actually kind of nice. But let's ask some deeper questions.

Don’t shut them down. Ask questions.

I’m sure they’re fine. They can entertain themselves.

But I’m already falling behind with work. I’m not doing anything well right now.

Don’t be prescriptive. Encourage them to find their own solution.

Encourage him to think creatively about how to improve the situation.

Sounds tough. Are there any changes you could make?

Don’t give them orders. Encourage them to find their own solution.

You need to slow down and take a breather!

Encourage action without being overly prescriptive.

You should tell your boss you need to cut back to spend more time with your family.

Offer practical support while encouraging them to take action and come up with their own solution.

Like seeing if your work can offer you more support. Maybe there's room for some flexibility?

That’s a big ask but I suppose I could look into it.

It’s helpful to reflect on your own experiences to encourage vulnerability while encouraging action.

It wouldn’t hurt. I’m still trying to get the whole work life balance thing right too.

<div>Don’t get pushy. A witty catch phrase could easily feel dismissive.</div>

Less talk, more action. Modern problems require modern solutions!

Things were going well. Don’t get pushy and overwhelm this guy.

Get on it! There's plenty of opportunities to change things up.

Yeah. I guess I have to accept something’s got to give.

A lovely sentiment. But let’s set up a check-in.

This is a good first step in setting up a check-in.

Definitely. We should keep in touch. Maybe we could have a weekly catch-up?

Very poetic. But you are not the guru. Stick with being a friend.

Sounds like my work here is done. The answers were inside you along.

Avoid making vague plans for future connection.

Don't leave the conversation without specific intentions for a future check-in.

Try to make specific plans when setting up future check-ins.

<ul><li>Ask questions at an appropriate time.</li><li>Listen and reflect his thoughts back to him.</li><li>Encourage a problem-solving attitude.</li><li>Check in on a regular basis.</li></ul>

Look out for men who are struggling or having difficulty juggling family and work-life. Commit to offering a supportive, listening ear.

Practice supporting a man struggling with a relationship breakdown 

Support a man who is struggling with a relationship breakdown 

He's Heartbroken

<div>Always use open questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no.<ul><li>How are you feeling today?</li><li>What’s on your mind? </li></ul></div>

Maybe try a slightly more specific, open question.

This is a nice question. But try to aim for an open question that can’t be answered with yes and no.

It’s important to avoid judgment and rushing to solutions.

Maybe it’s a good time to think about that question.

Heartbreak can cause a man to be preoccupied with unhelpful questions and thoughts. Try to avoid feeding this cycle.

I dunno, why do you think it never works out?

Listening and validating a man’s feelings may help him feel comfortable and open up further.

Oof, sounds tough. And I know it can feel like an endless cycle.

Ask clarifying questions to demonstrate that you’re paying attention and actively interested.

Try and avoid being dismissive of how a man feels.

Nah I don’t think so. . . You did your best.

You may have heard it all before but your friend needs you. Try not to shut the conversation down.

Who knows, but you’re starting to sound like a broken record. 

Maybe not a great time to rub salt in his wound.

Recognizing the emotion the man is feeling is a great way to validate. This as well as asking questions helps nudge the conversation towards the man talking about his emotions.

Sounds like there’s a bit of regret there? 

I just keep getting these waves of sadness. Replaying it over and over.

Avoid judging and jumping to conclusions.

Maybe we can inspire more positive changes.

Let’s go out, get loose, and drink the pain away.

Normalizing their reactions and encouraging action that may help them are great next steps.

Yeah, that’s understandable. Have you been taking care of yourself?

Doesn’t seem like there’s much point.

Sharing your own struggles and experience in encouraging action can be helpful.

I know it’s tough. But getting out and moving my body often helps me out of a funk.

Be patient. Pushing him probably won’t help. He needs to decide to take action himself.

I know it’s tough. But you should make an effort.

I know it’s tough. But you should listen to me.

Look for ways to offer creative and practical help in encouraging action.

You could join me and the office running club for our lunch time runs. 

Tired turns of phrase can be impersonal and move the conversation away from meaningful outcomes.

See! The answers were inside you all along.

It’s always good to encourage exercise. But maybe this is an opportunity for further connection.

Time to hit the gym and distract yourself. It works for me.

Planning a check-in and demonstrating your concern is a great way to be supportive.

And let’s catch up in a couple of days. I’m here for you while you’re going through this. I know it’s tough.

Avoid being judgmental or dismissive.

And I don’t want to hear you moping about anymore.

Try and be more specific when setting a time for a check-in.

Always try and be specific when setting a time for a check-in.

This is a good opportunity to plan a specific check-in time.

<ul><li>Ask open questions that can't be answered with a yes or no</li><li>Listen by using clarifying question to fully understand what is being said</li><li>Encourage Action through promoting exercise or other forms of positive self-care</li><li>Check-in by making specific and definite plans to catch up</li></ul>

Look out for men who are heartbroken and struggling. Be patient, gentle, and understanding. But most of all, offer friendship and connection.

 Practice how you might talk to a man who is unemployed and uncertain.

Support a man who is unemployed and uncertain

He's Unemployed & Uncertain

I have no idea how I’m going to find a job at this point.

Acknowledging what they've shared and being honest and vulnerable about your own struggles can help open up the conversation. Asking open questions will help too.

That sounds really tough. The uncertainty is getting to me as well. How are you holding up?

Try not to jump to solutions. Consider sharing your own struggles instead.

Maybe you should think about all the creative stuff you can get done!

Have you seen if there are any jobs available? Maybe a side hustle?

Yeah, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do.

It’s my problem though. I’ll be all right.

<div>Always ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no.<ul><li>How are you doing?</li><li>What’s on your mind?</li><li>What’s been happening?</li></ul></div>

No doubt you'll be right. But how are you holding up?

Try not to jump to solutions. Focus on getting your friend to open up.

Try not to delay or dodge the conversation. Perhaps you can help your friend open up right now.

I’m all right. It all feels kind of pointless these days.

But I’m not going to bore you with a sob story.

Try not to quickly dismiss the conversation. Ask questions to help them open up.

<div>When listening, ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand what is being said.<ul><li>What do you mean by...?</li><li>Can you tell me a bit more about...?</li><li>Are you saying...?</li></ul></div>

Yeah. Best not to dwell on these things too much.

I just haven’t got a lot to do, so I’m spending all of my time online.

I feel like I’m not really achieving anything.

Making broad comments steers the conversation away from their personal struggles.

There's a lot to keep everyone entertained online these days.

Encouraging a friend to take action and reach out to other friends and family will help them develop a wider support network.

Have you spoken to anyone else about how you're feeling?

Not really. I don’t really want to bother anyone.

Everyone is busy with their own stuff. They don’t want me adding to it.

Don’t let the broader story get in the way of more personal struggles.

Absolutely. Everyone has their own shit to deal with. It never ends!

You're encouraging the action of reaching out while demonstrating some of your own vulnerability.

You're right. But people do care and would want you to reach out. Now is a great time to reach out to people. It's been really helpful for me.

Don’t be dismissive or jump to solutions. Look for ways to offer continued support.

Yeah, maybe it's a better time to learn to enjoy your own company.

Encourage them without hounding them. Offer ongoing support.

Always arrange a future check in at a specified time.

Let's talk again in a couple of days. What time works?

Try to avoid vague promises of further connection.

Good to hear from you. I hope we can chat again sometime.

Try and be specific and intentional about checking in.

Can we book something in for Thursday afternoon?

Try to avoid leaving things with vague plans.

Umm... not sure what I'm doing that day. Let's see how it turns out.

Don't let them get away with vague plans so easily.

Always try to make definite, specific check in plans.

Yeah, I've got some things going on too. I think setting a time will help.

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